Osaka Health Spa is something of a New York landmark. According to their promotional materials, they are the original Shiatsu and Acupressure center of the USA - having been in business since 1970 and served customers ranging from Ronald Reagan to Gwyneth Paltrow.  However, the location that I visited, at 50 W. 56th St., had the feeling of a 1970’s hotel that was once famous and has since gone in to disrepair, with the who’s who choosing newer and swankier businesses — and for good reason.

Osaka is certainly a serious, no- frills health center, devoted to traditional Shiatsu, including the hot-cold sauna to ice water cycle that one is supposed to do at least 3 times before the massage commences. A family-run business, the walls of the sauna and steam room are decorated with hand-written posters, with indecipherable instructions (”be desensitize,” “spill finding epileptic seizure,” “feed back brain” etc.) and my time in the sauna was interrupted by the paterfamilias - an MD from Korea, coming in to readjust me and give me pointers, all made more difficult by a significant language barrier

I have no problems with a spa focusing on serious treatment as opposed to luxury and comfort, but Osaka pays far to little attention to the aesthetic quality of the environment.  The sauna and steam room were both less than clean and neither of them reached a consistently satisfactory level of heat.  The general surroundings were cramped and cluttered, with a small changing room stocked with standard Duane-Reade cosmetic products.

Even though I had mentioned, when I arrived, that my time was limited I was made to wait at least 15 minutes in the dingy office/lobby before I was taken through, and was then shuttled back and forth from sauna to cold bath for the majority of my time there (I spent almost 2 hours at Osaka: 20 minutes waiting, an hour doing hot/cold and about 30 minutes on the massage table).  After the sauna I was brought to a small massage room and placed on a massage table.

The massage itself was quite good, including traditional acupressure, some joint manipulation and also the masseuse massaging me with her feet, walking on my back using beams in the ceiling. It was a very deep massage, and firm, but sadly rushed (as by that time I had been in the sauna/steam room for an hour!). This is, however, a very strong and intense treatment, and I would warn anyone who has physical issues or spots that need to be treated gently that the masseuse, though very good, was not at all responsive to my requests that she hold back on my injured shoulder.  All in all, I would not recommend Osaka as, although it offers a high-quality Shiatsu massage, the dull surroundings and unfamiliarity of the procedure are exacerbated by limited personal attention that results in one feeling distinctly lost.

Now here is a spa!  Though located in the middle of frenetic Korea town, on the fifth floor of a building that looks more likely to hold an illegal sweat shop than a boutique luxury spa, Juvenex calms the mind, soothes the senses, and pampers the diva within.  As soon as I walked inside, I noticed the ambient noise of birds and crickets and felt as though I had stepped into a clean jungle oasis.  A friendly woman behind the desk greeted me and helped me into jelly slippers (they offer slippers in the half size).  I had a 7PM appointment, and as the spa is female only from 7AM-7PM, I had to wait for all the ladies to put their clothes on before I walked in.

When I did, I had the place virtually to myself: I noticed only two female patrons and several female employees.  The spa centers around one main open area that includes three soaking tubs (filled with sake, ginseng, and Kombu algea), a steam room, and a dry sauna.  The space is well designed, with lots of bamboo, flowers, stones, and candles.  One of the employees instructed me to rinse off in the shower and then enjoy the sauna.  The sauna looks like a large, medieval oven, with 20 tons of semiprecious stones.  A staff woman kindly brought me a cucumber infused water as I sat baking in the dry heat.  Next, I took a dip in the ginseng tub, filled with full lemons.  There were so many lemons bobbing around at the surface, I felt like a birthday boy in a ball pit.  It was at this point that I realized the service at Juvenex is outstanding.  There were always staff women around, cleaning or generally keeping order like good Umpa Lumpas, and they made me feel comforted that if I had any problems or questions someone was right there to help me.  But at the same time, they kept to themselves and allowed me perfect privacy as I played with the lemons, tossing them into one another and squeezing them in my hand like stress balls.  Eventually, the lemons got old.  Time for my steam!  The steam room was a glass room shaped like an igloo.  Inside the hot white cloud, the moist air smelled of sweet herbs.  I sat there sweating until I could bear the heat no more.  On to the full body exfoliation!

And this is when the treatment got really good.  In an area to the side, separated by curtains, a staff woman told me to undress.  I wasn’t sure if I correctly understood her broken English until she pointed at my bathing suit and yelled “Off!”  I followed instructions and lay on a slippery mattress.  She poured warm water on my body, which felt ancient and luxurious.  And then, with green mittens that felt just slightly more gentle than sandpaper, she started scrubbing.  She scrubbed my back, she scrubbed my legs, she scrubbed the bottoms of my feet.  I kept imagining that scene in “The Wizard Of Oz,” as the people of Emerald City Dorothy greet Dorothy and her friends with the royal treatment (”Rub rub here, rub rub there, whether you’re tin or brass, that’s how we pass the day away in the merry old land of Oz…”)  At times, the exfoliation almost hurt, but it also tickled, especially as she got in my armpits.  After a full scrub lying face up, face down, and on both sides, I thought we were through.  But no, it was time for the soap down and shampoo!  This felt particularly nice after all that exfoliation, and by the time I was supposed to rinse off in the shower, I was so light headed with happiness I walked right into a bamboo wall.  When I made it to the shower (using no soap or shampoo, as per instructions), I noticed that my skin had never felt so soft.  My body was like a peach whose skin was just peeled.

Finally, it was massage time.  The woman (whose named, I asked later, was Karen) led me to a small room adjoining the main space.  She massaged me for an hour with a forceful touch.  She really showed her strength here, and I wondered if Karen had a previous career as a women’s rugby coach.  Towards the end of the deep tissue massage, she applied a cucumber mask, which felt cool and rejuvenating, like my face was waking up from a long slumber.  Just when I thought I was all done, Karen offered me pineapple and honeydew, a perfect treat.

My experience at Juvenex felt like I was far, far away from New York (and at times, the planet Earth).  If I were female, I would definitely be intrigued by the female only hours, when nudity is allowed.  The staff attends to your every need and makes you feel completely comfortable.  For patrons looking for a more European model, this probably would not be the right spa for you, as it definitely indulged Asian sensibilities.  But I would recommend this spa to anyone who wants to get pampered with an amazing body treatment at a shockingly affordable price.  (The Basic Purification Package with Exfoliating Scrub and 60 minute massage costs only $195.)  I would also recommend the spa to anyone who wants to go at odd hours: Juvenex is open 24 hours a day.  Juvenex Spa is located at 25 W 32nd St, between 5th and 6th Avenues.